The Art of Listening

All conversations have a speaker but only few have a true listener!

 

“Most people do not listen with the intend to understand, they listen with the intend to reply”.

––– Stephen R. Covey

 

People only listen to what they want to hear. And their replies often relate more to themselves than the issue at hand.

First of all, if one is listening at all in a conversation, it itself is a good start.

However, there is a long way to go from listening to understanding.

This distance (according to a study conducted by the Princeton Neuroscience Institute) is called a lag-time. As stated by the study there is a lag between what you listen and what you understand.

This lag-time is where the trouble begins, we start listening to ourselves instead of the other person.

Voices of our own thoughts and opinions overtake the others’.

Otherwise known as Confirmation Bias, “it is a human tendency to pick out facts and aspects of a conversation that supports our pre-existing beliefs, values and perceptions”.

 

And that is why “people only listen to what they want to hear”.

 

If you ask me, this is such a tragedy!

The magic of a conversation is hidden in true listening.

Paying genuine attention creates a “pool of shared meaning”, it turns a normal conversation into a Dialogue.

People like to speak. What they like more is to be heard. And the thing they absolutely love is to be understood!

We all have many friends, but the closest one, the one we reach out to in times of peril is the one who understands us.

This is where the Art of Listening comes in!

Through which you can diminish the lag-time and truly apprehend the other person.

This begins with –

• Removing distraction. Remove all cues of diversion. Put your phone down and give your undivided attention.
• Concentrate. Instead of arming yourself with a befitting reply, perceive the speaker’s perspective first.
• It won’t harm if you let some things be about someone else. Some people have a special talent of turning every conversation about themselves. They are called Conversational Narcissist. Don’t be like them.
• Do not jump to conclusion. Hold your horses!

 

By simply using these tricks, my dear readers, you can ace at the Art of Listening!

It is a win-win situation; you don’t just earn the trust and confidence of the speaker, you gain insights of their perspective and learn some valuable information.

 

In an environment where words are valued and emotions are felt, people feel special, they feel respected.

That is why I always say:

“The easiest way to win people is to lend them an ear!”

Reference:

• Princeton University (“Speaker-Listener Neural Coupling Underlies Successful Communication,” by Charles G. Gross, June 19, 2010) 
• https://share.google/WdO3MWv5MzJONq5yC 
• Crucial Conversations Book.